So I was looking at videos about why (and whether) girls like bad boys rather than nice guys. Getting more and more frustrated trying to understand what is even meant by these terms, I started watching one in which a man tries to pick up young women on a beach, first posing as a “nice guy” and then as a “bad boy”. I didn’t get halfway through it, because I couldn’t tell which one he was trying to be in the first example, and then it got me thinking.
When guys ask why women don’t want nice guys, are they using a definition of “nice” that would be strange to a female mind? Most happily married men I know are my definition of nice guys. They work hard and have a positive attitude, they are faithful as far as I know and spend time with the kids, they pitch in and cooperate and try to get along with their wives and in-laws instead of being obstructive or sabotaging the budget.
Most angry, lonely, aging bachelors I know are my idea of “bad boys”. I am not interested in them at all. They are contrary and act as other people’s wishes were a threat to their identity, they are belligerent in traffic and they like breaking rules just to argue with “the man”, they talk dirty to strange women and take everything personally. I watch them grow older and angrier and more bewildered every year; they live and probably die alone, nine times out of ten.
When men ask why women like bad boys, are they using a different definition of bad from the one we would use? Are they saying they only want what only a bad boy would want from a woman, and that they reject every type of interaction with women that would appeal to a nice guy, and therefore it is they who have closed off the possibility of their socializing with women as nice guys? Are they hiding behind a belief that they are too nice to avoid thinking about what they are really doing wrong?